


A Memory's Just a Memory After All

by Snow



Category: Swordspoint Series - Ellen Kushner
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Road Trips, Weddings, Yuletide, Yuletide Treat, awkward family time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-08 22:57:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5516366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snow/pseuds/Snow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"Eyes on the road, Richard," Alec chided. His response was immediate, and he was simply gazing out the window, watching the road whiz by. "You can look at me all you want once we're stopped."</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Memory's Just a Memory After All

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Macdragon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Macdragon/gifts).



> Unbetaed.

"You should pull over at the next stop," Alec said. His voice was dreamy, but not so much so that Richard found cause for alarm. His eyes flickered towards Alec in the passenger seat anyway, just to be sure.

"Eyes on the road, Richard," Alec chided. His response was immediate, and he was simply gazing out the window, watching the road whiz by. "You can look at me all you want once we're stopped."

Richard opened his mouth to protest, to say that it had only been for a second, but then he closed it again. He never won that argument. He never really _won_ any arguments with Alec.

"Is a gas station fine?" he asked instead.

"Why wouldn't a gas station be fine?" Alec asked, all arrogant pique.

Richard didn't have an answer to give him. Maybe it was too much to hope that Alec might want to stop for the night, or at least that he would want to do that when Richard was still fine to drive.

"Tell me that we won't get there in time," Alec said, when they were settled back in the car. He'd gotten out and stretched when they were stopped, and Richard had watched his shirt ride up at the movement and thought of other moments, better ones, when he might have reached out and touched Alec without the fear that he would snap at him, or worse, not.

"I can make us not get there in time," he offered. There were so many things that he'd rather be doing with Alec right now than driving halfway across the country, watching Alec hold himself more and more stiffly as they got closer to their destination.

"No." Alec's voice was tight, and Richard glanced over at the next stoplight to see his knuckles white where they were wrapped around the handle, the one used so rarely that Richard had forgotten it existed. "I promised her I would try to make it."

Richard sighed. He'd been trying very hard not to have this discussion, but he wasn't sure now that avoiding it had left them any better off. "I think she would understand why you might not want to be there."

"It's her _wedding_ , Richard," Alec said, and it was hard to tell since his voice had the same arrogant tones as always, but Richard thought he might be imitating someone else. Most likely Janine. "My only sister's only going to get married once."

"Well she _should_ understand," Richard said.

"A lot of people should do a lot of things," Alec replied, before he added, unusually softly for him, " _I_ should be happy for her."

* * *

"What do you want me to do?" Richard asked, when they'd stopped at a hotel and he'd finally gotten Alec to relax. He knew he ran the risk of making the other man tense again with the conversation, but at least right now he could take care of that.

"What you just did worked fine," Alec said. He was a lazy sprawl of limbs across the bed.

"At the wedding," Richard clarified.

Alec's hand gripped Richard's arm, fingers pressing into skin. "I'd imagined you would pick me up when the reception was over. Why?" His voice didn't betray anything at all, like Alec thought that was somehow all Richard would pay attention to.

"I thought I was going as your plus one." He kept his voice mild, informative rather than chastising.

"Richard." Alec's fingers were tight enough to bruise, now, his body rigid enough to make the calmness of his voice alarming instead of reassuring. "That's for dates."

Richard had a lot of practice with not letting Alec make him angry. "What is it you think we're doing?"

Alec flinched, so maybe Richard hadn't been as careful as he thought. "Right now? You're being overbearing. Perhaps you missed the memo. In Georgia, the date for a young man is always a young woman."

"And where are you going to find a young woman?"

"The same place I find my formal wear, I expect."

Richard peeled Alec's fingers off his arm, brought them to his lips and kissed them. "We might not make it in time for that." He paused, kissed Alec's cheek. "Is this about your parents?"

"My mother might have a heart attack," Alec said, but he said it with relish.

"Let me come," Richard said, and he trailed a hand through Alec's hair. "As your overprotective boyfriend."

"You don't quite look the part," Alec said, but he stayed relaxed under Richard's body.

"Ah," Richard said, "But I act it so well." He kissed Alec until he fell asleep.

* * *

In the morning there was no talk of Richard waiting elsewhere. Alec was, for that moment between waking and awareness, still relaxed, but then the tenseness came upon him, and he wouldn't let Richard do anything about it.

"Let's just get going," he said, so they did.

The rental store in Columbus, Georgia, didn't have anything in Alec's size that was better than the wrinkled suit-jacket and almost-matching pants he'd brought, and he changed in the dressing room while Richard found something that would work just fine for him.

Alec was slouching to make the clothing on him look even worse, but Richard still had to catch his breath.

"Are you wearing a tie?" Richard asked, as he finished putting his own on.

Alec tilted his head, and Richard could read the 'no' in the lines around his eyes, and then he shrugged, slightly too casual. "I'll take it off if it gets too hot," he said.

"I wouldn't expect any different," Richard agreed, and he bought Alec one that matched the one that Richard had picked out, the same shade of green as Alec's eyes, because he'd hoped they might be able to do this.

* * *

They got to the church half an hour before the ceremony began, and Richard didn't reach for Alec's hand even when he wanted to, even when Alec turned his head towards Richard and started to explain in way more detail than anyone should really know about when the church was built and why it had been designed the way it had been. The person who'd stopped, who'd seemed like they wanted to say something to Alec, continued on, after waiting. Instead of stopping, Alec kept talking, and he picked it up again as soon as the ceremony was over.

Richard wasn't even sure that he watched the vows being exchanged, and he knew that Alec's eyes were on him during the kiss because Richard was looking right back.

"We don't have to go to the reception," Richard said, when they were settled in the car. Alec's hands were clenched into fists so tight that Richard worried about what his nails were doing to his palms.

"Don't be an idiot. That's the only part she cares about."

Richard reached out and covered one of Alec's hands with his own. It didn't seem to do any good. "Do you want to take the tie off?" he asked.

Alec laughed, bitter and sharp. "Yes. But I'm not going to."

"Alec…"

"We have a little time before we're supposed to be there. Stop at a gas station, I need a smoke."

Richard didn't even argue.

* * *

Richard was all smiles when the bride and groom came by their table, because it practically vibrated with tension and someone needed to be willing to smooth things over. It clearly wasn't Alec, who had moved his chair to be closer to Richard and had the person on the other side very close to punching him for his latest set of remarks.

"Congratulations," Richard said, offering out his hand.

"Who is this, Davey?" the bride asked, looking straight at Alec. At least she'd put that much together.

"It's Richard," Alec said, in that arrogant nature of his. "Richard St Vier, Janine Campion."

"It's Mrs. Talbert now," she said. Her smile was bright and it certainly made her look beautiful, but her eyes were tight.

"Of course it is," Alec said.

"But who is he?" Janine repeated.

"His date," Richard said.

"For real?" Janine asked.

"We live together," Alec drawled.

Janine brought a hand to her mouth, and shifted into her husband's space. "Well. That's very nice."

"I quite enjoy it," Richard said agreeably. 

"Oh?" It was hard to tell with the makeup, but Richard thought her cheeks got a little pinker. "It was very nice to meet you, Mr. St Vier. Maybe we'll see you again soon, at Christmas."

"I'm not coming to Christmas," Alec said.

"You could," Janine said.

"No."

Janine drew herself up. "I don't understand why you even bothered to come at all today, then."

Because you asked, Richard wanted to say. Because you asked him to, and because despite everything else, that meant something to him, meant more to him than this place and the other people and the fact that you won't even call him the name he wants to be called. Richard could see in Alec's eyes that what he was thinking was nicer than anything Alec was going to say, and that what he was thinking didn't really touch the pain Alec was feeling.

Janine's husband touched her sleeve. "Let's go. You don't need this today."

Janine turned away from them, beamed at her husband. "You're right. I don't."

Richard held Alec's hand under the table until they were gone. "I think we can go now ourselves," he said.

"Or I could get drunk and make a scene," Alec said.

"You could," Richard said, and he held Alec's gaze, trying to promise things without words, trying to say that no matter which Alec chose, Richard would be there with him.

After a moment, Alec rose, and they left.


End file.
